NOTE: This post was originally published on June 15, 2018. On May 7, 2020, my re-designed website went live, simultaneously re-publishing all of my old blog posts.
I briefly saw a therapist when it happened, since it truly felt like my whole world was imploding in slow motion. She listened to all of what was weighing me down but had no solution to offer me. She believed that I was coping well with everything that was being thrown at me and that I had plenty of healthy outlets and a strong support system in place. I didn’t quite see it that way but understood that she observed in me the strength to push through on my own. It took me a while to let the lesson sink in and make the necessary adjustments towards achieving daily happiness.
Truthfully, it’s still a work in progress.
I started by changing my job. I left a toxic work environment in favour of an exciting new one with a much healthier work culture. At the same time, my partner moved away for a job which meant that I no longer had a place to retreat to when my living space became hostile. This meant that I finally had to face the facts and change up my living situation, which was challenging and terrifying but absolutely worth it. I welcomed an awesome new roommate and felt a lot of weight lift from my shoulders.
For the next year, I saw my partner on fewer and fewer weekends and tried very hard to make it work, meanwhile other aspects of my life were resolving themselves so easily.
As much as I was enjoying the new job, I wasn’t completely satisfied with my career and decided to head back to school in the Fall of 2017. I had done extensive research and decided on a program that would mean, among other things, making a major move to a new, much bigger city. Part of me hoped that by moving closer to my long-distance partner, that our relationship could be saved. Then, just as I was about to confirm my offer of acceptance, the seed of an opportunity for advancement with this company presented itself. Suspecting that the relationship might only be kept afloat by my efforts alone and that ultimately it might be unsalvageable, I decided to stay put and see where this opportunity and pending promotion would take me.
I was right. The relationship fizzled out like an atomic bomb and I was grateful for my decision not to uproot my whole life for this person who would never have done the same for me.
Last July, when the promotion finally presented itself, it didn’t look quite like what I hoped it would but I accepted anyway. There was enough of what I was hoping for in there to balance out the tasks and responsibilities I wasn’t especially keen on. Enough good to make it worthwhile. Plus, with the extra money and more schedule flexibility, I’d finally be able to do things I’ve always dreamt of, like studying at Second City….
Some of you already know this, but I recently parted ways with the company I started working for just over two years ago. Back then, this new opportunity felt like a godsend — especially in comparison with the company I had been working for when I lost my Dad. Even though this was an industry I was unfamiliar with, I found myself growing with the company. That growth was fast and at times, tricky to keep up with. There was very little extra money and even less schedule flexibility than ever before. Ultimately, I found myself working almost exclusively on the things I was never keen on while the things I had been excited about were delegated to others. There was no longer enough good to make it worthwhile.
Since July, I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned so much about what I want and need in a romantic relationship, now that I am finally getting it. I have also learned a lot about where I want my career to go and what I need in order to get there.
I felt like I was failing at making my own happiness, and only two years after I set out to do so. But since life is too short not to be happy every day, I welcomed change when it came — albeit unexpectedly. To shake off the old and embrace the new and unknown, I finally took a big step forwards (with love and support from my amazing partner, aka, #ThePrince) and enrolled in a three-day improv intensive at Second City over the Victoria Day long weekend.
It was like being re-born. Re-awakened. Reminded of where I belong.
#ThePrince and I spent the long weekend exploring the city, taking in as many laughs and sights as we could. I met some really cool people and got to spend my days in one of the most revered comedy training centres in the world. That space is brimming with potential and creativity, and I was similarly filled.
I’ve since re-applied and have been accepted to that school program I had turned down just over a year ago, which means that the big move is on the horizon! In just over two months time, I will be a full-time Event Management student at Humber Lakeshore. It’s a two-semester post-grad certificate with a ton of hands-on learning and a built-in placement, which means a great big foot in the door to start my career off right. Since I’ll be living in Toronto (omg), I’ll be able to keep taking classes at Second City and intend to spend as much of my free time hanging around that place as possible throughout my studies.
#ThePrince and I are already in the process of combining our lives’ worth of belongings while hunting for our perfect new home where we can raise a Robin together (haha).
So, that’s the entire update on what I’ve been up to the last two years/two months and what I will continue to be up to in two months’ time :)
P.S. If you’re a Peterborough friend reading this and feeling like I’m abandoning you, please know that I have a plan which I cannot reveal to you here and now (or else someone might beat me to it!). I will be back, in some way/shape/form, in about two years’ time. Mark my words!